


Spill My Soul

by MirabileLectu



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Backstory, Drama, Gen, Spies & Secret Agents, Undercover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-17 08:28:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2303177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirabileLectu/pseuds/MirabileLectu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mary Morstan - a good name for a good life, all things considered. But there have been other names, and other lives, and sometimes those many pasts prove difficult to leave behind. There were many miles before Mary Morstan found herself on English soil in a comfortably English life, and the mission that brought her there nearly proved the breaking of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**June 20th, 2008**

At 10:43 PM, Albert Thomason entered a half-empty warehouse in the far corner of a quiet shipping facility.

At 10:46 PM, he was dead.

It was a short end to a long chase, several months of work coming to an end in a few violent minutes. He had been prolonging the inevitable for as long as he could, running from safehouse to safehouse in an attempt to save himself from a fate that he had created. But there was nothing he could have done to stop this, not since he had made the fatal decision to move from selling stolen credit card information to leaking important secrets to foreign data brokers. That had been the beginning of the end, and it was only a matter of time until the CIA caught up with him. Or more specifically, until the special agent that had been sent to track him down and neutralize him did.

Alice Gaines followed the gasping and stumbling man in front of her with practiced confidence, slipping through the shadows as naturally as any hunter. She had tracked this man for two months now, and she was more than ready for this whole ordeal to be over. He’d turned out to be more slippery than she had anticipated, but those had just been setbacks. She had him now - no more resources, no more friends, no more last minute tricks he could pull to save himself. All that was left was him, and her orders to make sure he never sold out another agent again.

She paused in the doorway of the warehouse to let her eyes adjust to the darkness, her other senses on high alert for the few seconds of vulnerability that she had to endure. The likelihood of someone attacking her now was so low it was nigh on impossible, but she had learned the hard way not to underestimate someone driven to desperation. The ugly scar on her left leg had taught her that much, and that was not a mistake she planned on repeating tonight.

The sound of his stumbling was loud enough in the darkness that even a civilian could have tracked him down, and just by listening she could tell that he was desperately looking for another way out of this tangled maze of shelves and pallets. But there was a reason that this bit of otherwise prime real estate in the yard stood mostly empty, and the bizarre design of the building that had far too few doors to be an effective shipping hub made it a perfect place to herd a panicky target. He’d run here like he’d been following orders, and now there was nowhere left for him to go. Not through the locked doors, not out the too-high windows, nowhere.

He came into view at last in a dead end created by long aisles of shelves, looking around frantically for a way to escape. The panic in his eyes when he saw her step into view was visible even from this distance, and he held his hands up in a pleading gesture that did nothing to stop her moving forward.

“Stop, please. Please don’t kill me, I swear I’ll change. I’ll stop selling stuff, I’ll go into hiding, just please don’t -”

_Crack_

A quick squeeze of the trigger, and he crumpled to the floor like a broken marionette. He landed on his back, empty eyes staring up at the ceiling they could no longer see as blood ran out of the small hole that had just appeared between them. Alice stepped forward with her pistol still raised and fired another shot into the dead man’s head. There was no dramatic fall this time, merely another crack from a silenced pistol and the knowledge that her target was finally dead.

It was the work of a moment for Alice to holster her pistol and scoop up her spent bullet casings from the floor. Her mind was already off of the body that lay in a puddle of spreading blood, already thinking ahead to the extraction and cleanup that was to follow. There was no point in lingering on it, after all, not when she had so many things to take care of before the first workers started arriving for their early morning shifts. Once her brass had been policed and she’d finished a quick scan of the area to make sure that absolutely no other evidence had been left behind, she pulled out her phone and dialed a secure number that was picked up after the first ring.

“This is agent Gaines requesting an evac and scrub team ASAP. The target has been taken care of."

“They’re on their way. Good work, agent.”

But there was no joy on Alice’s face as she pocketed her phone, not even a trace of satisfaction at a mission being successfully completed after so long. In truth her face was blank, empty of all emotion besides determination and perhaps the slightest hint of resignation. This was a job, nothing more.

Looking down at the corpse she had created Alice thought to herself that it hadn’t always been this way.

_I used to feel something when I did this. When I killed someone there was fear, or revulsion, or pride, or righteousness - sometimes all at the same time. But now it’s just…_

Now she felt as empty as the body she was searching for relevant information. As she rifled through his pockets for any USB drives he might have on him for safekeeping or last ditch contact info, the torrents of emotion that once flooded through her after a target had been taken out were long gone.

_Now I’m just glad that it’s over._

**One Month Later**

Alice hated these meetings. Not because of what they were for - in fact she had been waiting for her handler to contact her for almost a week now to relieve the boredom that had been creeping up on her - but instead where they were held, and what that meant. Because the moment Ron Mendez asked her to meet him not in his office but instead in a busy cafe in the middle of the lunch rush, it had nothing to do with how hungry he was or wanting to catch up. No, he simply wanted there to be absolutely no connection between the Agency and the mission that they were about to give to an agent that had been working for them for close on ten years now. And that meant no security footage of her entering the building, no check ins, and certainly no chance of anyone recognizing her in the hallway. As far as the Agency, and more importantly its acres of paperwork were concerned, this meeting had never happened.

Added on top of that fact was the necessity to meet in a restaurant busy enough to drown out their conversation, which meant that every nerve in Alice’s body was on high alert for potential threats. Even with her back against the wall at a table in the far corner so that she could keep an eye on everyone at once, she still felt so exposed that she was about to crawl out of her own skin. It didn’t show on her face, of course - to the other patrons and the waiters who had gotten the repeated hints that yes everything is _fine_ , thank you, her demeanor was as calm and collected as anyone on a typical business lunch was expected to be. Never mind that she was expecting someone to attack her at any moment, she had a facade to maintain.

An unspoken agreement dictated that at least half a cup of coffee had to go by before they actually approached the topic that had brought them here, and Alice invariably used that time to try and decipher what mission Ron was going to send her on this time. She was almost never right, as Ron was about as transparent as a brick wall when it came to these issues, but it was an interesting exercise none the less. And while it was possible that she was deluding herself after so many weeks without any work to keep her occupied, it almost seemed that her usually implacable handler seemed a bit...on edge. He was certainly picking up and putting down his coffee mug more than usual, and if she wasn’t mistaken there were much more grey in his black hair and lines around his eyes than a few months would usually account for. If she didn’t know better she would have said that he looked frazzled, a word that was so jarringly out of place for him that Alice couldn’t quite bring herself to use it.

Finally satisfied that enough time, or perhaps enough coffee, had passed, Mendez leaned forward in his chair into the posture he always adopted when it was time to get down to actual business. The slight narrowing of his eyes told her that he was examining her closely, and had she been anyone else she might have shifted under was certainly a piercing and ruthless gaze. But she did not so much as flinch, and when he was satisfied he folded his hands on the table in front of him.

“Thank you for joining me, Alice. I trust that you’re well?”

“Yes, of course sir. The few weeks off have been a nice break.”

_Lie._

She’d been miserable these last few days, nearly climbing the walls in frustration at having nothing at all to do but wait for the phone to ring. The first week or two after a mission, especially a longer one like the Tomason job, were always a welcome break that involve learning how to be something resembling a regular person again. Two or three days doing nothing but sleeping and eating to make up for lost time, another few remembering the person she had been before assuming a false identity - it was all necessary to keep herself sane and whole before the next task. But after that? Boredom, pure and simple.

Mendez knew it - every agent current and former did - but just as the cup of coffee and the silence before it they both knew that this was all part of the formalities. “Good to hear. You did good work with that Thomason project, even if it did take a few twists and turns on the way.”

He hesitated, an entirely unfamiliar action for a man who was so self-possessed and authoritative that his every move seemed to have been planned out months in advance. His eyes flicked down to the folder that had been sitting on the table on his right hand side for the last fifteen minutes, a seemingly innocuous stack of papers that had been consuming both their thoughts while they simultaneously pretended to ignore it.

“As a matter of fact, the Thomason job is why I asked you to meet me here today. Tell me, while you were working on that case did you learn anything about a group called the Kruporushka?”

Alice paused, running through her mental list of intel and information that she had gathered while pursuing her target. “No, I didn’t. I can’t say that I’ve ever heard of them.”

“I’m not surprised - until recently they’ve just barely been on our radar and didn’t warrant anything other than the most basic monitoring. But I’m afraid Albert Thomasan has changed that.”

With his right hand he pushed the folder forward, opening it up to reveal a photograph of an unfamiliar skyline paperclipped to a typed report. “The Kruporushka are a Russian gang based out of the city of Gus’-Zheleznyy 160 miles east of Moscow. They’ve mostly been known for standard gang activities - drug running, human trafficking, small weapons dealing - just enough to get our attention but nothing out of the ordinary. What has been rather unusual has been how quickly they’ve grown, and as a matter of fact by now it can easily be said that they have fairly solid control of the entire town. Everything that happens there runs through them, from business deals to city government contracts.”

He flipped the page to a sheet filled with dense type and interspersed with a few blurry photos of unfamiliar faces. “In the last year, something’s changed. It was slow enough at first that we didn’t take notice until recently, but the Thomason affair highlighted how important it is that we take care of this now. The Kruporushka have exploded in both size and power, and they’ve scaled up their operations to the point where they have become major players on the world stage and a significant threat to our security. In addition to their low-level work they’ve moved into heavy weapons and artillery dealing, and as we learned from Thomason data trafficking. Not just credit card numbers either, we’re talking important governmental data and secrets that they’re selling to the highest bidders. Thomason was our confirmation, as his small time work caught their eye and they recruited him to gather for them. We have no idea how they got started on this, but it needs to stop.”

“And where exactly do I come in to this?” Alice asked, a feeling of foreboding not quite explained by why she had heard so far sneaking over her. “This sounds like a standard blow and go operation, I’m not sure what you need me for.”

“Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. First of all, they’re too spread out in the city for one centralized op. We can’t just move in and take them out, not without drawing much more attention to ourselves that we usually like. And on top of that, we need to know where they’re getting their information from. We know they have a leader who’s largely responsible for their intel operations, and we need to find him so that we can find all of their sources and cut them off. Someone, many someones, is leaking information vital to the security of the United States. And that’s why we need you.”

He shut the folder in front of him and leaned forward, keeping eye contact all the while. “The problem, Gaines, is that we have no idea who their leader actually is. They have a strictly regimented hierarchy in their group, and each member only knows the identities of those one or maybe two levels above them. We’ve managed to grab a few of their footsoldiers, but they don’t know enough about anything other than basic operations to be of use to us. We need the leader. And the only way to find him is from the inside. For _you_ to find him from the inside.”

Alice sat back in her chair, blinking slowly as she processed what Mendez had just told her. _They want me to go undercover. Deep undercover, for at least several months if not longer. Can I do that?_

This wasn’t the first time she’d been assigned to a mission that she’d had doubts about her ability to complete, but it was certainly the most extreme. The simple fact was that she was not an undercover agent - they went through years of training to acquire the finesse that was needed to so thoroughly live a false life. She was a blunt instrument, a means to an end, the last resort when no more delicacy was needed. True she had done a bit of undercover work in her time, every agent needed to at some point, but nothing like this.

She weighed her words carefully before speaking, allowing the chatter and bustle of the cafe to fill in the silence of her long pause. “Sir, I have to admit that I’m not certain why you’ve chosen me for this. I’m certain that there are other agents far more qualified for this sort of mission -”

“Gaines, listen to me. I didn’t choose you for this because you were the only one available. This mission is too important to give to just anyone, and if the last ten years of service from you have proved anything it’s that you’re not just anyone. You’re smart, you can think on your feet, and you do whatever needs to be done to finish a job. And on top of that you’re one of the finest linguists I’ve ever met. We need your skills and your experience on this, and we need the fact that you won’t be afraid to go the extra mile. No one else can do this.”

It was a cheap ploy on her pride and her sense of duty and they both knew it, but even still Alice could not help but find herself considering it. This was the kind of mission that came along once in an agent’s career, and if she was able to pull it off she would accomplish more in one year than some did in their entire lives. The chance to take down a gang like this, one who dealt in fear and misery and the sales of human beings, it was more than a little appealing. After all, why were there people like her if not to deal with people like them?

Feeling as though she was diving off a high cliff into an unknown lake below, Alice made up her mind. “Alright, I’ll take it.”

A small smile of satisfaction crossed Mendez’s face, as sure a sign as any that he was delighted with her choice. “I knew you’d make the right decision. We have everything ready for you, but you’ll need some time to get acquainted with the details. Make sure you study this back to front, you’ll need more detail on this than anything you’ve ever done before.”

He closed the folder and slid it over to her, and as Alice accepted the slim file it seemed as though it was far heavier than the leaves of paper inside would warrant. The densely typed words and grainy photographs it contained could change her life forever, and not necessarily for the better. And yet as she slipped it into her bag without bothering to look at the contents just yet she could not deny that the small, secret part of her that had driven her to this life in the first place thrilled at the challenge. This was dangerous, incredibly so, and perhaps more than a little foolhardy for someone like her to tackle, and she couldn’t wait to get started.

But there was still business to be finished here before she could safely lock herself up at home and begin the process of putting on another person’s skin. She could sense that there was something important that Mendez hadn’t told her yet, and odds were that it was something big enough that he’d felt the need to save it until after she’d already committed herself. It was sneaky, but she couldn’t say she blamed him for it.

“Is there anything else you need to brief me on, sir?”

“Two things, actually. First, the most important part of this mission is reaching the leader, and that means we absolutely need him alive. There’s no wiggle room on this - if you don’t bring him in alive and able to talk, the mission is a failure.”

Now _that_ was certainly not what she had been expecting. “I - why is that exactly? Wouldn’t it just be easier to take him out and have their whole operation fall apart?”

“Do you really think it would? Think about it - outside of his top generals and staff, no one in the organization even knows who the leader is. This isn’t some cult of personality built around one man, it’s a nearly autonomous business operation that’s merely being directed by the person at the top. If we just quietly take him out, what’s to stop his second in command from filling the gap and continuing business as usual? No, we need him, alive and talking. We need to know where his intel is coming from, who their contacts are, and the scope of their dealings. That is the only acceptable outcome.”

“I see, alive it is then,” she said, hiding the slight disappointment at being forbidden from taking out a piece of human filth behind years of practice.

“And, listen, Gaines -” Mendez’s voice sank so low that even she had to strain to hear him over the noise of the restaurant, and his words were as serious as any that he had ever spoken. “You must already know that this mission is strictly off the radar. We will give you the support you need, but if something goes wrong the Agency must not be tied to this in any way. If you’re caught, there won’t be any rescue from us.”

She nodded, her determination in no way lessened. “Of course, sir. I understand.”

“I know you do,” he said, speaking normally again and leaning back in his chair looking as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders,  And believe me, we wouldn’t have chosen you if we thought it would come to that. We have the fullest confidence in you and your ability to carry this out successfully.”

And there, behind the smile and confidence he wore like a mask, she saw it.

_Lie_

-

One hour and two very circuitous routes back to her government-issued apartment later, the automatic deadbolts on her front door clicked shut and she was home. Truth be told she was never in this place long enough for it to feel like home, but it was the closest thing that she’d had in longer than she cared to think about. It was comfortable enough, if more than a little plain thanks to her near total lack of personal belongings, and it got the job done when she was in between missions. The white walls and simple, utilitarian furniture would never win any awards for design, but Alice never really had the time for pretty or frivolous things in her life. Not when she was busy trying to keep herself alive.

After unconsciously scanning the kitchen and living room to make sure that nothing had changed while she was gone, she sat down on the couch and fished the folder that Mendez had given her out of her bag. She always made a point of reading these types of materials only when she knew that she could be absolutely sure that she was secure in doing so - when it came to intelligence reports and assumed identities one could never be too careful. All it had taken was one story of a rookie agent who’d made the mistake of checking a file on a subway and the tragic consequences that followed his cover being blown for her to promise that she would never do the same. But she was as safe here as she could be anywhere, and the chances of any intruders interrupting her privacy were slim to none.

Almost perfectly on cue, there was a soft scratching at the living room window. In one smooth motion Alice’s right hand let go of the papers and slid into her open purse to pull out the gun that was waiting for her at all times, raising it and pointing it at the window in less time than it took her to blink. Every nerve was on high alert in that moment, tensing and ready for action should the threat at her window prove dangerous. But as she looked down the length of her pistol she did not see the men readying to attack her as she had feared, but instead the small form of a grey cat perched precariously on the outside sill.

Heart thumping, she lowered her gun and sighed, a small smile creeping over her face despite the jolt she’d just felt. She should have known that he’d be back again today, but with everything that had happened in the last few hours the weekly visit from the local stray who had claimed her has one of his many humans had slipped her mind entirely. He tapped at the window again impatiently, oblivious to the danger he had briefly been in, letting out an imperious meow that could not be heard through the glass but got his message across all the same. With a chuckle Alice stood, slipping her gun back into its place and walking over to the window to let him in.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that, little man, you never know what might happen.”

The warning went unheeded, as her advice to him always did, and with a loud rattle of a purr he jumped down onto the floor and twined himself happily about her legs. He never wore a collar or showed any signs of having owners, but that never stopped his long grey fur from being spotlessly clean or his belly nice and round. Alice suspected that he did have a hapless owner somewhere in this apartment building who had no idea where their fickle cat went wandering, but she always made a point to feed him just in case that wasn’t true. Besides, she liked the company.

“So, how are we doing today?” she asked, enjoying the pleasant feeling of having a happy cat rubbing his face against her legs. “Hungry?”

_That_ got his attention, and greetings were immediately forgotten as he trotted his way over to the kitchen with an upright tail and an expectant chirp. Alice followed with a shake of her head, wondering to herself just how a stray cat had managed to wrap her so firmly around his paw. She pulled open the refrigerator door and peered inside, hoping that there was something in here still edible for him to eat.

“Let’s see, what do we have in here...oof, that’s grim. You came at a bad time buddy, I had to throw almost everything in here away after I got back from my last trip. Do you like leftover takeout?”

_Meow!_

“No, trust me, you don’t. It wasn’t even that good two days ago. Anything else for you in here? Pickles? Soy sauce? Some questionable yogurt?”

A few minutes rummaging around in her cabinets later she hit the jackpot and a dusty can of tuna was met with a happy yowl before being inhaled at lightning speed. With a smile and a quick pet she left him to it, resuming her position on the couch to finally start working her way through the mess of data that the roving feline had interrupted. By the time he jumped up on the couch next to her and curled into a tight ball to go to sleep, surveillance reports and wiretaps had claimed her entirely.

Night fell around the pair of them, shadows creeping up the wall and over the two figures barely moving except for the occasional turn of a page or twitch of a tail. When she finally finished the final page, although certainly not for the last time, Alice found herself sitting in a darkened apartment wondering what the hell she had gotten herself into. If these documents were any indication, and long experience had taught her by now that the briefing always left something out, she was in for the toughest mission of her life. And, if she were being honest with herself as she was with no one else, it might just be the last.

Looking down at her sleeping companion, she felt a twinge ran through her at the thought that she might never see this strange, unnamed little creature again. How long had she been feeding this cat, and never bothered to name him? Two years? Three? And now she was headed off on the other side of the world for a year or more, and there was the very real possibility that she would never have the chance.

Would he miss her? Would anyone?

Swallowing around the sudden tightness in her throat she ran her fingers through his charcoal grey fur, earning a satisfied purr and stretch in response. Even if he didn’t realize that she was gone she knew that some part of her would miss this, these quiet moments stolen from the chaos that she’d made of her life. Sometimes it felt like these afternoons spent with a purring cat at her side were some of the only peaceful ones she could remember, and she clung to them all the more fiercely for it. But try as she might to hold on to something so fleeting, a part of her had known that it could never last. Nothing ever did.

“I hope you have lots of other places to go, little man. Unless you want to come with me, I don’t think we’re going to be seeing each other for a while.”

He didn’t answer, but that was for the best. Where she was going was no place for spoiled stray cats who could wheedle belly rubs out of contract killers. She would need every ounce of focus and determination that she possessed to pull this mission off, much less get out of it alive, and that meant putting aside even this one small pleasure for the sake of the job. Business as usual.

She opened the folder again, blinking around the fatigue in her eyes and the small knot of pain that had formed between them to read the cover summary they had prepared for her again. The bare bones facts of a life not yet lived were sketched out there in dates and numbers, but that wouldn’t be enough to get her through the door much less out the other side again. There was so much more to an identity than the names and events that were accumulated along the way, and Alice had a lot of work ahead of her to stitch what she had been given into a person. And that included forgetting that Alice Gaines had ever existed at all.

Reaching into her bag she fished around for a moment until she found the small USB drive that she carried with her at all times. It didn’t look like much, an unlabeled grey drive with no distinguishing features whatsoever, but this device held everything. Everything she had been, had done, had experiences in her time since she started working for the Agency. Ever since she had taken the name Alice Gaines, she had meticulously stored her life on this drive for a reason she had never quite been able to pin down. She told herself that it was one of the digital wills that some other agents left behind in case a mission went wrong, a final account that loved ones could read and be comforted by in case the worst should happen. But that was flimsy reasoning and she knew it, as the Agency would never allow any digital will to be this extensive under any circumstances. And besides, who would she leave it to? The stray cat she had never bothered to name?

Whatever the case, this drive was finished and done right along with the name Alice Gaines. Leaving that life behind meant starting a new chapter, and that chapter needed a fresh page for the telling. It was the work of a moment to grab a black pen and scribble four initials on the drive, one set on each side to mark where her life would start anew. If she was going to be keeping any records from now on, it was going to be as Roxsana Aliyeva.


	2. Chapter 2

A bitterly cold wind stung Roxsana’s face the moment she stepped down from the warm haven of the truck cab she’d been sitting in for the last two hours, shocking her back into sudden alertness after the long ride. She turned and gave a final wave of thanks to the driver who’d been gracious enough to pick her up from the bus stop before shutting the door, and he pulled away with a puff of diesel smoke and a roar from an engine that sounded like it should have stopped working years ago. It hadn’t been the most comfortable ride in the world, as suspension seemed to be something that had been invented after that particular vehicle had been built, but it was a far sight cheaper and quite possibly even cleaner than the bus she’d taken from Moscow to the middle of nowhere before needing to find her own way. All told it had been close to a seven hour trip through farmlands and forests and towns that were little more than a wide spot in the road, and she had never been more grateful to see a place that closely resembled civilization.

Truth be told, even with the rose colored glasses that came with the end of a long trip, Gus’-Zheleznyy still didn’t appear to be the most inviting place in the world. Some of that may have been due to the glowering iron-grey sky that seemed to be mandatory in the autumn months here, but city itself did little to alleviate the doom and gloom overhead. Short, squat buildings peppered this desolate stretch of road near what should have been the center of town, low houses intermixed with empty fields and dirt pathways. The one exception was the great, looming cathedral that seemed to take up all of the available sky here, its great spire stabbing upwards into the clouds in defiance of the landscape and seemingly divine power itself. Even from this distance the cathedral was a thing of breathless beauty, both indomitable and resplendent in the evening air.

But even with such majesty on the horizon, this place was certainly a far sight from the overcrowded noise and hurry of the Moscow neighborhood where she had spent the last month to prepare for the mission proper. While she could have been simply dropped off a few miles outside of town by the C.I.A. jet that had flown her over here, she’d decided early on in the planning stages that if she were to do this at all, she had to do it right. And that meant establishing a cover story so tight that even her inexperience in deep espionage work couldn’t mess it up. Once she’d arrived in Moscow with a fresh, unstamped Russian passport she’d set about making a life for Roxsana Aliyeva in the short time she had, renting an apartment and getting a job as a waitress in a dingy restaurant to make sure her Russian was flawless. It was textbook perfect already of course, but there was no substitute for actual conversation when it came to fooling the natives.

Living such a seemingly ordinary life could have been just as dull as her time between missions, but Roxsana had reveled in it. The thrill of finally working again, of subsuming herself in the chase, of looking around every corner for whatever threats might come her way, it was what made her feel alive. And so even as she spent her days serving food to strangers she drank in their chatter and lives with ears sharper than they could have ever dreamed. She prowled through dingy neighborhoods and gleaming shopping centers, watching everything and missing nothing. She searched for rumors and watched her back, crafting a life that after only thirty days felt more real and more lived in than her own.

Let the Kruporushka’s agents try and do a background check on her when the time came. She had nothing to hide. Not that they could find.

But her days of quietly building a life for herself were over now, and if she wanted to survive here every move from here on out needed to be careful and calculated. And that meant she had exactly one order of business before she could do anything else - finding somewhere to stay so that she could start scouting out routes of entry into the gang. A simple look around told her that securing a room for the night was going to be easier said than done, as this place was not exactly brimming with hotels or friendly people with couches to spare for a stranger.

Well, there was nothing else for it then. Hiking the backpack that currently held all of her worldly possessions (changes of clothing, toiletries, a laptop, and a few other personal items to be precise), she faced herself towards the towering cathedral that dominated so much of the sky and started walking. It stood to reason that there would be more people and more buildings over by the largest building in town, and where there were people there was a chance for her to start asking about a room for the night. Exactly none of the cars that had driven by her so far had done so much as slow down, and she had yet to see another pedestrian out here in the fields, so if she had any hope seeing someone, much less speaking to them, she needed to find what this place could call a downtown.

-

An hour, no human contact, and several splashes from passing cars later, Roxsana was already feeling less than optimistic about her prospects in this place. She’d tried more than once to catch the attention of the few other pedestrians she’d passed on the street, but without fail every single person had avoided eye contact with her so successfully she might as well have not been there in the first place. That in itself wasn’t _too_ unusual for a rural, close knit community such as this, but there was something going on here that went far beyond just the distrust of small town locals. Even if she hadn’t known in advance that things were going wrong in this town, the cold distrust and fear simmering in the air would have set her nerves tingling with tension. And with what she knew of how things had gone so very wrong, it was as though terror was writ large in the sky itself.

Finally, _finally_ she reached a more densely inhabited part of town, with the homes huddled more closely together with more shops and restaurants in between them. The only activity on this street seemed to be coming from a bar on the corner of two larger avenues, music and loud conversation blaring out of open windows even at this early hour of the evening. That a bar should be the most lively place in town wasn’t too terribly unusual in and of itself, but Roxsana had a hunch that just like the unfriendly locals there was more to this than met the eye. And since her hunches were so rarely wrong that they could usually just be called facts, she shouldered her bags and made her way towards the commotion.

It was like walking into a wall of smoke and sound. Tables full of men and a scattering of a few women filled the bar, nearly all of them smoking and drinking as they laughed and talked with one another. Most of them didn’t even give her a second glance, seemingly a common theme in this town, but a few of the men at the table closest to the door looked her way with what could best be called a leer. One burly fellow in particular with a shaved head and tattoos spilling out onto his hands from underneath his sleeves appeared to be the ringleader of their group, and he elbowed his friend with a grin that made Roxsana’s skin crawl. One look at this man was enough to show that he was vicious, thuggish, and quite possibly a total idiot.

_Perfect._

Maintaining her air of confused uncertainty, Roxsana approached the table slowly and pretended to ignore his widening grin.

“Excuse me, sorry to bother you guys but I just got into town and I was wondering -”

“Just got into town, eh?” he interrupted, elbowing the man to his left in the ribs. “What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a middle of nowhere place like this?”

“Well right now I’m looking for a place to stay, and I’m hoping for some work too. Do you know anywhere I can spend the night?”

It was like she had just asked him whether or not he wanted to duck into the bathroom for an immediate shag. His face lit up like Christmas morning, and with a delighted grin and some knowing laughs from his friends he leaned forward close enough for her to smell his rancid breath. “Oh babe, you are so in luck because I know just the thing for you.”

He stood up, swaying slightly as he did so, and crowded into her personal space so aggressively that anyone without her training would have stepped away immediately. His greater height and bulk meant that he towered over her and he used that fact to his advantage, peering down at her with a wide grin and making it immediately clear who had the power in this moment. Leaning down, his hot breath washed over her face as he whispered hoarsely, “I could see right as you walked in that you wanted to fuck me, so why don’t we quit playing and go back to my place? If you’re good enough you might even get a place to stay and a job earning your keep.”

Disgust rolled through Roxsana, a visceral feeling that made her immediately want to run for the nearest shower to wash his stink off of her. The drunken laughter of his friends and the attention of everyone else in the bar only made the feeling worse, but where others would have cowered or wilted, Roxsana’s resolve only hardened. She allowed a bit of her true feelings seep into her expression, although not even close to all as it would have given her away in an instant, and glared up at him uncowed.

“No, thank you.”

Polite, yet venomous - and with just the right amount of utter disdain. Exactly what she intended, and just the thing to piss him off.

The grin slid off his face as her refusal worked its way through his vodka addled brain, expression turning furious as he realized that the laughter of his compatriots was now directed squarely at him. “What the fuck, you stupid bitch? I make you a nice offer and that’s how you answer me? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I told you, I’m just looking for a place to stay the night. Nothing else.” Her tone remained even in the face of his mounting rage, and the part of her mind that was reserved for monitoring dangerous situations noted coolly that almost the entire bar was watching them by now.

“Listen you stupid slut -”

And that’s when he made his mistake. Not with the insults, although they certainly didn’t help his case, but instead when he thought in his drunken haze that it would be a good idea to reach out and grab Roxsana by the arm.

For one long, silent moment, she looked down at where his hand was wrapped around her upper arm. He gripped her tightly, possessively, trying to tell her with one motion that there was nothing she could do against his greater size and power. It was clearly a move that was familiar to him, perhaps even instinctive, the result of too many years spent terrorizing women without so much as a second thought.

Until, of course, he found himself down on his knees in the blink of an eye, a choked out gasp of pain escaping his lips as he tried to process what had just happened to him. It wasn’t that complicated, really, a simple self defense move that she’d learned in the very early stages of her training, but an effective one none the less for getting someone’s hand off of you and twisting their arm sharply in the process. The sight of such a large man crashing down to his knees so quickly was what made it impressive, and Roxsana knew that with every eye on the bar glued to them now this moment and the ones that followed were crucial to her future success here.

Looking down at him, red faced and delirious with his arm twisted up at a painful angle, Roxsana schooled her features into a mask of bland indifference, tinged only slightly with disgust. “I said no. And I’ll thank you not to touch me.”

A wave of mutters and murmurs ran through the room, the voices ranging from surprised to angry at the sight of this stranger putting one of their friends so quickly to the floor. Where before silence had reigned as they watched the increasingly heated exchange, the rest of the bar was stirring now, and with every passing second they were growing more and more agitated at this turn of events. For a moment Roxsana feared that her impromptu plan was going to fall to pieces at the whim of a room full of angry gang members, but just when it seemed that someone was going to say something rash a piercing laugh rang out.

It came from a woman who was sitting at the table previously occupied by Roxsana’s victim, one that she had overlooked in her initial sweep of the bar and through her confrontation. She had been leaning back in the shadows against the wall, watching the goings on with a dispassionate eye even as her table-mate was forced to the ground by a woman two thirds his size. But it appeared that Roxsana’s reply had finally caught her attention, and she laughed so loudly and with such genuine delight that everyone was jolted out of their mutterings to look over at her.

“Jesus Alexei, you really know how to pick ‘em don’t you?” She leaned forward out of the shadows, a devilish grin on her face. “All the women in the world for you to harass, and this time you finally go for the one that can out-bully you.”

Shocked silence followed, as though the room at large was deciding how to respond to her comments, but it was interrupted a moment later by a snort of laughter from one of the women at the bar who evidently shared her opinion of Alexei. The snickers spread to the other women scattered through the bar, and soon enough some of the men had joined in as well, draining the tension from the room. Roxsana was still getting some suspicious sideways looks as she finally let go of Alexei’s wrist, earning what could only be called a whimper from the man at her feet, but the feeling of an angry storm about to break had vanished.

_Good God, I think that might have actually worked._

To tell the truth, she hadn’t been absolutely certain that her hastily conceived plan of trying to impress the gang by a show of force would pay off. It was always a tricky business to walk into a room full of strangers and come out on top, but upon seeing the bar full of people who were as certainly Kruporushka as she was not she’d known that this was her first and best chance at getting noticed. Getting the attention of the group she needed to infiltrate had promised to be one of the most difficult aspects even when she was in the planning stages for this mission - simply walking up to a dangerous, and likely quite suspicious gang member and announcing her desire to join their group was hardly feasible, and looking for roundabout ways to get noticed could take anywhere up to months in a new city.

But luck, although she usually had a hard time believing in such a thing, had presented her with the perfect opportunity straightaway, and on top of it all it appeared to have been successful. Even though almost everyone was turning back to their drinks and conversations, it was undeniable that Roxsana was getting more than her fair share of sideways glances and the majority of them even seemed to be bordering on respectful. Considering the reception she had gotten when she first walked in here not ten minutes ago, that was a drastic improvement.

But everyone else in the bar was not her priority at the moment - it was instead on her inadvertent ally who was currently standing up from her seat against the wall to make her way towards Roxsana. She stepped over Alexsei where he still sat on the floor with a level of scorn that warmed Roxsana’s heart, stopping short in front of her and looking at her with frank appraisal.

“Do you always make an entrance like that, or did we just get special treatment?”

Roxsana allowed an expression of mild surprise to break her mask of impassivity. “Are you asking if I usually send men to their knees during our first conversation?”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” she said with a smile.

“Only if they deserve it,” Roxsana answered, grinning to match her.

That was enough to earn another sincere laugh, bold and bright, the kind of laugh that starts from the belly and fills up a room with its presence. The woman’s gaze was less reserved now, although still naturally wary, and she stuck out her hand abruptly between them.

“You know, not many people can stand up to that jackass, especially not the women he likes to push around, but you made it look easy. That was impressive.”

Perhaps stirred by the mention of his exploits, Alexei shook himself out of his stupor and glared angrily up at the two women standing over him. His face, already red from the sudden pain of having his arm twisted at a distinctly unnatural angle, turned a lovely shade of purple at the sudden rage that came over him. For a moment it looked as though he was going to explode all over again, but a single firm look from the woman was enough to stop him in his tracks.

“I think you’re done, Alexei. Don’t bother me again.”

With a face like thunder and shoulders hunched like a whipped dog, he stood up and slunk away towards the bar to nurse his battered pride. But as he went he looked back over at Roxsana, and the glare he leveled at her was one of pure, murderous malice.

“You’ve gone and made an enemy out of him, just so you know,” she said quietly. “He doesn’t forgive things easily, and with the way you embarrassed him he’s going to be out for blood.”

Roxsana shrugged, thoroughly nonplussed with the prospect. “I’ve dealt with worse. And besides, if that’s what he has to offer I think I can handle it.”

The woman’s eyebrows rose in surprise, and perhaps even a certain level of respect. “I think I might end up liking you.” She stuck out her hand between them. “I’m Ludmila, mind telling me your name so I can buy you a drink?”

Roxsana took her hand and shook it firmly, silently exulting at her success. “Roxsana, and that’s only if I can buy you one too. Don’t tell anyone, but I think you might have helped me out back there.”

Ludmila grinned, and Roxsana knew that she’d made it.

-

Not half an hour later, Ludmila and Roxsana were chatting like old friends reunited after a long time apart. They stuck to light topics by an unspoken mutual agreement, carefully testing the waters of their conversation as they danced around what was safe and what should be left unsaid, but both women had enough practice at this that they were still able to have a good time regardless. They had briefly touched on books, television, and films so far in their rapid patter - and learned quickly after a short but heated argument over 90s garage rock that music was best left alone. The strong but excellent vodka they were drinking played no small role in the ease of their conversation, but Roxsana knew that even without the pleasant buzz of the alcohol or her pressing need to become friends with this woman she would have been enjoying herself regardless.

That in itself was a strange enough feeling, even without the knowledge that every eye in the room kept flicking over towards her where she sat at the bar. This wasn’t how she usually operated, so out in the open ( _and ready for ambush_ an admonishing voice whispered in her ear) after actively working to gain the attention of the crowd. She was used to working in the shadows, sneaking and following and gathering intel before she made her final strike and disappeared like a ghost into the night. But this...this was nothing like she had ever experienced before, and a certain treacherous, reckless part of herself even found that she was enjoying it.

A well timed joke speculating on the prowess of some of the cockier men in the room made Ludmila laugh out loud again, sending a rush of exultation through Roxsana. I could get used to this. And honestly, as uncertain as she’d been about this mission when she’d been doing her preparations, this was turning out to be far easier than she’d originally feared. Granted it was only the first small step in a very complicated dance that could very well get her killed, but as of yet things were going even better than she’d originally hoped. Ludmila was playing right into her hand, and if the contemplative look on her face was anything to go by it was only a matter of time until…

“Where did you say you were from again?”

“I didn’t, but I came from Moscow today. It was a hell of a trip.”

“Jesus, I bet it was,” Ludmila said, taking a sip of her drink. “And you came all the way out here with nowhere to stay and no job lined up? What makes someone do that?”

“I just…” Roxsana trailed off, looking down at the bar. “I just needed a clean break, you know? To get away, even if it meant running away to a place I’ve never been.”

“Why here, of all places?”

“Someone told me once that it was a good place to start over, and that you could take care of yourself if you got to know the right people. I hope he was right.”

“Well, I think you’re off to a decent start so far. I mean, you came in and immediately made an enemy out of one of the biggest guys in town, but other than that I think you’re doing great.”

Roxsana snorted, earning a smirk from Ludmila. “Thanks. You really know how to encourage people.”

“Call it a gift. Now come on, finish your drink and we can actually find you somewhere to stay tonight so you don’t freeze.”

She tossed back the rest of her vodka and Roxsana followed suit, silently thanking the foresight that had led her to build up her alcohol tolerance so that after two strong drinks her head was still clear. Following Ludmila out of the bar and into the cold, they began to walk down the dark street that was lit only by the occasional dim glow of lights attached to the buildings that lined it. There were certainly no streetlights here, nor even a real sidewalk, simply a stretch of dirt and gravel next to a road empty of cars. Roxsana had no idea where Ludmila was taking her in this town that felt so empty and yet bursting at the seams with desperation, but she seemed to have a definite destination in mind.

“Where are we going? I have some money to pay for a hotel tonight since it’s probably too late for anything else -”

“A hotel?” Ludmila scoffed, “Where do you think you are? There’s a hostel over near the church, but _trust_ me unless you like racing the roaches to the bed you don’t want to stay there. No, I wouldn’t just drop you somewhere like that, I know someone who can take care of you tonight.”

And that, it seemed, was that. Five minutes later they turned down the walkway of a two story house that stood a few feet back from the road on what appeared to be a fairly large plot of land. The lower story of the house was dark with only a few lights on in the windows upstairs, but Ludmila knocked briskly on the door regardless.

“The landlady here has had an empty room for a few months now, so she’ll be happy to take you,” Ludmila said as they waited for an answer. “And besides, she owes me a favor. She’s fair and the house is in pretty good shape, which is more than can be said for a lot of places, so I think you’ll like it.”

The front door opened slowly to reveal a short, older woman wrapped up in a heavy bathrobe. She peered through the half-open door into the darkness, face wary, and Roxsana noted that in her left hand she was clutching a rolling pin that she had a sneaking suspicion wasn’t for baking. Her tension eased somewhat when she saw Ludmila standing there, but only slightly.

“Sorry to bother you so late, Mrs. Kaverin. Did we wake you?”

“No, no, I was just doing some cleaning. Can I help you with something?” If her defensive posture hadn’t been signal enough, it was clear from her tone that Mrs. Kaverin wanted nothing to do with this conversation. Whatever they wanted, she was hoping very keenly that they would get it over with and move right along.

Ludmila either didn’t notice the woman’s worry or didn’t care, and she stepped aside to gesture at Roxsana. “This is Roxsana, she just came into town today and she’s looking for a place to stay. I know you’ve had a hard time filling that empty room of yours, so I thought we could help each other out.”

Mrs. Kaverin was silent for a moment, staring at Roxsana as though she were having a debate with herself over how to answer. Finally she nodded, although she didn’t look happy about it, and stepped back to gesture them both inside. The interior of the house was clean and well kept, if a little old fashioned with far more floral print than was strictly necessary. But it was still a far cry nicer from the tiny one bedroom flat that Roxsana had been living in while she was in Moscow, and when they climbed up the stairs and went down to the door at the end of the hallway she almost couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

“This is the master suite,” Mrs. Kaverin said, turning on the lights to reveal a surprisingly large room. “It has everything you’ll need, and through that door there’s a washroom with a sink and a mirror. The bathroom is down the hall, and if you pay a little extra I can make you dinner. Will this work for you?”

“I...this is lovely, thank you, but there’s no way I can afford this room. I don’t even have a job yet.”

“Oh don’t be silly,” Ludmila said. “I’m sure Mrs. Kaverin will give you a good price, especially since she’s had a hard time filling the room. Isn’t that right?”

Mrs. Kaverin’s face remained impassive, but Roxsana could not help but notice how her hands shook slightly. “Yes, well, after Mr. Nozdryov...left so unexpectedly, there haven’t been too many people interested in renting a room here. But if Ludmila brings someone round I need to make it happen don’t I?”

“Well, that settles it then. Thank you Mrs. Kaverin, thank you for your help, I’m sure we can work out the details tomorrow?”

She nodded before turning to leave, clearly taking the hint that she was no longer needed here. The door shut quietly behind her, and Roxsana turned to face Ludmila.

“Are you a miracle worker?” she asked.

“No,” Ludmila answered, “I just know lots of people, and I’m good at collecting favors. That’s how things work around here - you help people out, and they get you back when you need it. Speaking of which…since you so rudely rejected Alexei’s offer I take it you’re going to be looking for a job soon?”

“Oh, yes. I figured I’d start tomorrow and see what I can find. I was a waitress at my last job and there’s usually somewhere that’s hiring so I think I should be ok. I hope.”

“A waitress?” Ludmila asked. “Come on, you can do better than that. Listen, I think I might be able to get you some work with the people I work with. It might be a bit on the side and temporary at first, but it pays well and you don’t have to serve anyone food. How about I take you to meet them tomorrow?”

“Wow, that would be amazing,” Roxsana said, masking her thrill of adrenaline with simple excitement. “I don’t know how I can repay you for all this, you’ve been so wonderful helping me out so much.”

Ludmila smiled and reached out to clap Roxsana gently on the shoulder. “Don’t mention it. I told you, this is how things work here. And like I said, I’m good at collecting favors.”

And with that she left, leaving Roxsana alone for the first time all day in a room that had suddenly become home. She stood still for several minutes after Ludmila left, listening carefully to make sure that there were no signs of anyone coming towards her door or lingering in the hallway. When she was sure that it was safe she sprang into motion, moving quickly around the room and checking every conceivable place for surveillance devices. In the lamp, under the bed, in the door frames - she even pulled a tiny screwdriver out of her backpack to take apart the electrical sockets and make sure there were no recording devices hidden in there. At last the room was deemed clean, and that meant she could finally give in to the weariness that made her ache down to her bones and rest.

Unpacking was a task that could be saved for another day, so she simply dug through her backpack for the nearest thing she could sleep in and changed with rapid efficiency. The door to her room got one more check to make sure that it was well and truly locked, followed by the window, and when she was sure that she would be secure for the night she turned off the lights and flopped down on her back in the middle of the bed.

And, staring up at the ceiling into the darkness, she smiled.


End file.
